For those of you who know me you might be wondering, “Jeremy, what changed to make you want to share your life on a blog?” The answer is simple, but very complex so here is the back story to why I’ve decided to blog the work God has done in my life.
I entered the network marketing industry when I was 19 and I spent the next ten years convincing myself that this is who I am. I am Mr. Network Marketer. I was going to have a nice house, nice car, live the lifestyle all the leaders were living. I had my life figured out. So to get to that point I really went to work on myself. I read over 300 self-help books from leadership, to relationships to business practices. I filled up on head knowledge but never really bridged the gap into experience.
I say all that to basically tell you that because of some limited successes I had in that network marketing companies and all the knowledge I added to my head…I began to think I had it all figured out, that I just needed to find the right opportunity to apply it all to.
Fast forward to February 1st 2011. Our family launched a new company called Bandals West and I was given the title of Area Leader. Finally, a product I believed in at the right price in the industry I had always dreamed my life would grow in. I thought I had it all figured out and that I would just cannon ball into the deep end and tear it up! I quickly found out I was wrong. I dropped so many balls, messed up so many times that just a week ago…I hit rock bottom.
A low I’ve never felt. A gripping depression that the enemy used to completely unwind me. A complete loss of identity and self-worth. For the first time in my life…I doubted everything about me. “Can I really handle this responsibility?”, “Am I worthy of this title?”, “You read all those books, did you actually learn anything?”, “WHO ARE YOU!?!” This was the voice screaming in my head and I flat out lost it. I recalled every failure, every broken relationship, basically every screw up I ever made and the emotion I felt…seared a new self image on my heart and it was not a good one.
I’m sure I’m the only one who has EVER felt this way **much sarcasm applied here**, but I truly felt alone. Like most good Christians, I asked God, “WHY ME???”. “I’m a good person, I’ve truly worked on making myself a better person, I’ve lived to please everyone around me so WHY ME GOD???”
In those challenges to God I saw a version of me that I never saw before and a version of me I never wanted to see again.
The next day I watched the movie “Soul Surfer” which if you haven’t seen it…go watch it…it will mess you up and put life into a whole new perspective, but I totally related to her story. If you have seen the movie, then you’ll relate to this, but after that movie I began to see my failures as my missing arm. A constant reminder of what I WASN’T capable of. A constant reminder that I’m not as good as I thought I was. I knew that I needed to change my thinking…then something truly amazing happened…
I was on Amazon.com two days later after I resolved to get to the bottom of my identity crisis and typed in the word “Failure”…up came about a billion titles, but after scanning a few I was drawn to a title that was the instigator to the change I was looking for. The book was called “Wired for Success, Programmed for Failure” by Dr. James B Richards. What this book taught me more than anything was that it wasn’t my “Thinking” that needed changing, my heart needed to be changed. I learned that my entire life I’ve spoken emotionally charged words that had written all kinds of garbage on my heart. Dr. Richards wrote about how God speaks to the heart…not the mind…and I realized right then that I had burned so much garbage on my heart that I could no longer get through the scar tissue to the true me.
That’s when I stopped working from the heart and started working from my mind. It was then I realized that that is why I couldn’t hear God. So let me leave you with this thought from the book that changed me just a week ago…
You can fill your head with all the knowledge and self-help books you want and it’s all good, but none of it will have the intended effect until your heart is right. Nothing matters until your heart is right. God speaks to the heart and you will miss His calling if you listen to your head.
The exciting thing is that if you can write garbage on your heart, then you can also remove it and begin to write amazing things on your heart. So I encourage you to begin to dig into the Word of God, get a fresh perspective on who God is and a fresh perspective on who YOU are in GOD’S eyes. And in a genuine way begin to speak that fresh perspective with all the emotion you can and like I have, you can begin to re-write the programming of your heart.
Clean off the garbage, remove the scar tissue and begin writing things that God would want written on your heart and you will truly begin the process of true change.
Find out more about Dr. Richards, his book and impact ministries resources by clicking HERE